


Unnatural

by ahappyphil



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: 2010, 2019, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Introspection, M/M, POV Outsider, Personal Growth
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-25
Updated: 2019-05-25
Packaged: 2020-03-17 12:50:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,185
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18965602
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ahappyphil/pseuds/ahappyphil
Summary: @philslion “Getting away from my father’s pride was one of the best things I’ve done. Nice to be with Lioness by ourselves no matter how unnatural.” On growth and changed perspective.





	Unnatural

12/01/2010  
@philslion _“Getting away from my father’s pride was one of the best things I’ve done. Nice to be with Lioness by ourselves no matter how unnatural.”_

***

“It’s just...he’s a good dad. I know he didn’t mean how it came out.” Phil is laying sideways on Dan’s bed with his hands hiding his face. He’s still reeling from a less than pleasant conversation he’d had with his father before he’d left for Wokingham that morning. 

He had spent the past four hours on the train replaying his dad’s words over and over. There’s a stress headache looming behind his eyes, and he’s angry at himself for starting off this trip with a sour attitude. He doesn’t want his dad to ruin his precious Dan time. 

“I know, Phil. He’s always been nice to me. You don’t have to apologize for him. I guess he’s still got that traditional mindset, but he loves you”.

Phil looks over at him with an almost pained expression, he’s not going to cry in front of his boyfriend. “He said it was unnatural. He thinks we’re unnatural, Dan... what does that even mean?”

“We’re not, babe. The only thing that’s unnatural is your large head shape and maybe your caffeine addiction, but not us”. Dan pulls Phil’s hand from over his eyes and puts it over his own heart. 

He’s is so grateful for this incredible boy, this boy who already knows how to ease his mind. Dan just has a way of making him feel better. He makes him feel okay. They’re okay and they love each other. Phil blurts out “I love you” because he just needs to say it out loud, and it needs to be an okay thing to say.

“Love you too, weirdo”.

***  
2019

The new place is bigger and far more lavish than the last three. Kath and Nigel are constantly impressed by their boys’ success. Because over the last decade, Dan is an understood inclusion. He’s family, regardless of the lack of legal documentation; it is a given that when talking about their youngest son, they’re also talking about his partner. 

They’re all grown up now, playing host in their new home complete with an expertly styled guest room that does not double as a film set. It also apparently includes breakfast services if the smell of bacon coming from the hall is anything to go by.

When Nigel heads upstairs, Phil is standing in the kitchen in one of his own branded tee shirts and offensively bright pajama bottoms. There’s a plate of fruit set out on the counter and he’s flipping a pancake to add to the already impressive stack. He’s humming a tune and seems in his element. Phil radiates a specific energy when all of his favorite people are in the same place. 

He just wants to watch for a minute. Just wants to look at his son, a fully grown man now, confident and making breakfast for his family. He’s proud of the person he became, proud of him finding his place in life and the world he created around it.

Phil is still unaware of his father’s presence when Dan stumbles into the kitchen from the master bedroom. He’s wearing nothing but a pair of black pants and a worn out green hoodie. After a closer inspection, Nigel sees that it is in fact Phil’s old York hoodie from university. 

Dan immediately walks up behind him and wraps his arms around Phil’s middle. Nigel hears a soft “Morning, you” paired with a gentle kiss to his cheek.

“I woke up and you weren’t there...which was really unfortunate as I was already planning on what I wanted to do to you”. Dan has an overdramatized pouty expression. 

Nigel thinks he really doesn’t need to hear this, especially this early in the morning. Nevertheless, he stays hidden. There’s something like curiosity rising in his chest at the interaction playing out in front of him.

Phil laughs for a beat and turns to Dan whose busying himself grabbing two mugs. “But pancakes!”

Dan prepares two coffees like it’s second nature. Nigel is blown away by their synchronicity, even though he stopped being surprised years ago by all the ways their minds seemed to meld. They stop what they’re doing every so often to joke, or laugh, act like children, or share yet another kiss.

Nigel starts to feel a bit voyeuristic and decides to announce his presence with a louder than necessary “morning, boys!”

They immediately straighten up like teenagers being caught and move to opposite sides of the kitchen with lightning speed. Dan turns a rather impressive shade of red, but hones in his embarrassment to ask for Nigel’s drink order. 

After depositing his tea on the breakfast bar, Dan seems to realize his choice of attire and blurts out that he needs to shower and change before breakfast is served.

Nigel is now left alone with his son, who currently has an unreadable expression on his face. Somewhere between mortified and defiant. He thinks he has an idea as to why.

Despite Phil and Dan being practically attached at the hip for a near decade, they’d always been incredibly subdued when it came to PDA. They very rarely were seen cuddling on the couch or touching like any other couple, even in the privacy of their own home. 

Nigel never really considered that their behavior might be exclusive to his presence. Did they act like that with Martyn? Or their friends? Maybe he should just break the awkward silence and be direct. Be a man and clearly state the issue.

What ends up coming out of his mouth is less articulate. “Why do you….” he starts, then after a pause “When your mother and I are around?….We love Dan, you know that”. He looks down at his tea as if it will give him the perfect words to say. “It doesn’t bother me, you know”.

“Dad…..”. Phil mimics his father’s movements as his stares at the griddle like it has all the answers. “Yeah…I know you do, and he does too. It’s just….”. 

He wants to be offended. He wants to ask a thousand questions, or maybe just go run and hide from what he assumes is about to be a painful conversation, if his son’s face is anything to go by.

“Do you remember what you said when we first got together. Right after Christmas?” Phil looks determined. Like he’s been planning this speech for longer than he’s let on.

Nigel is dumbfounded as he shakes his head no. He honestly can’t remember what he had said, seeing as it was so many years ago. He liked Dan from day one, he was a good lad, always respectful. He was shocked sure, and maybe a bit uncomfortable. But it was all so new. 

He’d never really been faced with his son’s sexuality so directly before Dan, and it was an adjustment. It was one thing to be aware that he was interested in men, but sitting face to face with the person Phil claimed to be in love with was another story. He knew life would be harder for them, and if he’s honest, he just didn’t get it. He didn’t understand it, and he didn’t really want to try to. 

Phil still has an expression that could only be described as hurt. “You said it was unnatural. That it didn’t make sense. I know you guys like him and it was a long time ago, but I always kind of thought that it still made you a bit uncomfortable. That you didn’t like it”. 

“That was the last time we kind of...talked about it directly, I guess. The whole...gay...thing”. He takes a deep breathe like the word itself was going to hurt him. “We didn’t want to make things weird for you”.

“Son, I... I am so sorry”. He is immediately filled with so much shame, so much hurt for Phil. He hates himself for not even remembering that conversation. A conversation that has tormented his child for so long and altered the way he shows his relationship. “I didn’t mean that. I was scared for you and I didn’t understand...I’m-” 

Phil cuts him off by waving his hands “It’s fine, Dad. Honestly. It was a long time ago”. 

“No, Phil, it’s not fine.” He stands up from the breakfast bar and walks towards his son, enveloping him in what is probably the tightest and most heartfelt hug they’ve had since he was a kid. He comes to the realization that he stopped hugging Phil somewhere along the way, and for some reason switched to handshakes or a pat on the back. Just like his father did to him.

He hates it. He hates not hugging his children, because he loves them so so dearly. He’s so proud of the man his son is, and the man he calls his partner. 

“I love you and I love Dan. You two are a good couple. You’re stronger together than anyone I know”. He’s still holding onto Phil like he’s trying to make up for ten years of physical contact in one embrace. His voice is breaking and he feels his eyes starting to water. 

“Please don’t ever feel like you can't be yourselves around us. You should treat your boyfriend exactly how you want, and not worry about what we think”. He pauses to step back and look at his face. Phil is fighting back tears as well.

“You’ve got a good man, there. What you two have is the most natural love I’ve ever seen. I’m sorry that I ever made you feel like it wasn’t. I’m sorry that I was ignorant and let my fears take control”. 

They talk for a bit longer as they both work on the pancakes, easing the tension and heavy atmosphere with jokes about Phil’s appetite and how Kath will hit the floor when she gets back from her morning walk and sees the spread her men have prepared. 

Dan comes back into the kitchen with wet hair and a cautious look on his face. He immediately notices Phil’s puffy red eyes, and looks as though he’s ready to be defensive. Phil gives him a smile and nods, one of their psychic conversations that Nigel has become accustomed to, but still doesn’t fully understand. Dan relaxes his shoulders and moves to set the table. 

***

They have breakfast once he’s convinced his wife that she was not hallucinating and her youngest child did in fact make a wonderful meal without harming himself or others. Phil did seem lighter, happier, like a weight had been lifted. He even rested his head on Dan’s shoulder in embarrassment for a second when his mother told a story about him trying to sneak cookies to his pet rabbit when he was a kid. Nigel volunteers he and Kath to clear up the table and do the dishes. He figures Phil and Dan have some talking to do.

That night, they settle down to watch a film and he can’t help but notice the way Phil pulls Dan closer to him on the couch, the way he tentatively puts his arm around him. It may take awhile to unlearn holding himself back after so many years, but Nigel is thrilled that he took his words to heart.

Dan looks taken aback for a minute, darting his eyes to Nigel who gives him a warm smile. He eventually sinks into the touch and both boys have an air of contentment about them that he’s never really seen before in this kind of situation.

Nigel looks over to his wife; lovely, wonderful Kathryn. He never had to think about how he presented his relationship, and can’t fathom feeling like he wasn’t allowed to show affection. He grabs her hand as they sit on the opposite couch and kisses her knuckles. He’s a lucky man. 

When it’s time to leave, he gives Phil another back breaking hug. Then much to Dan’s surprise, Nigel grabs him as well for an embrace that he hopes emcompasses all the emotions he’s felt this weekend. Right before he lets Dan go, he whispers soft enough for just the two of them to hear “Thank you. I love you, son”. Dan is shocked into silence, with a wide grin plastered on his face. 

He is grateful that his son, his weird, brilliant, incredible son, has found someone who loves him so thoroughly, so honestly. Dan has been a gift to his family, and in that moment he vows to himself to make that known to both of them in whatever way he can. As far as he’s concerned, he has three wonderful sons and one amazing daughter. The life he had wanted for Phil didn’t come to fruition. He could have never dreamed of the man his son became. He is eternally thankful Phil instead listened to his heart, just like he always did, and created something even better. Nigel is a proud man.

**Author's Note:**

> some say hi on [tumblr](https://ahappydnp.tumblr.com/) !
> 
> Eternal thanks to @quercussp for beta work and being a generally lovely person <3


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